goddamn wildlife

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Age 35, Female

Mrs. DevourerJay

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goddamn wildlife

Posted by JadeTheAssassin - March 17th, 2009

So I was in the back, going to retrieve my muffin delivery, and lo and behold, THE MUFFIN BOX WAS ON THE GROUND. And I saw two dead muffins outside their home, and the paper cover ripped up.

Of the order i had (two loaves and 4 muffins), only one loaf I felt comfortable serving, and the others ones were basically throwaways. This had happened a few days ago, so I was wondering what was going on...

I told my boss, and he agreed with me (FOR ONCE) that it must have been a raccoon who had seen delicious muffins and didn't ask if it can has.

So while I'm sitting reading the newspaper on my break, one of my customers who came from the back door informed me that there was a raccoon outside on the roof. So, me being Ms. Curious, I scampered out, trying to get my camera phone out so I could take a picture. Boss followed me out, and we both stared up at this incredibly fluffy and cute raccoon who stared back down at us, then moved out of sight.

We grumbled, then boss phoned the muffin delivery people to go "DUN DO AGAIN PLOX DELIVER IN PERSON".

foihgruigrbrg

foot still hurts.

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Prinzy2 2009-03-17 18:23:07

I've never actually seen a raccoon. Don't be gettin no rabies mkay?

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-17 18:23:07

They're all over the place around my neighbourhood. As well as a few coyotes, squirrels galore, and skunks.

EnconXV 2009-03-17 18:26:30

Where's the picture? :(

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-17 18:26:30

I wanted ot get one of him staring down at me, but by the time I had my camera loaded, he was on the move. :(

WarteryMind 2009-03-17 23:34:37

lol
smart animals are smart.
and they know how to piss off pissy mods!

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-17 23:34:37

Stupid raccoon will pay if he gets into the muffins for a third time.

I will wrestle the fucker and make him gimme the $30 or so worth of baked goods.

DevourerJay 2009-03-17 23:45:09

i love having a gun... i just shoot those fuckers and i tell animal control that they were going to attack my dog XD

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-17 23:45:09

POW POW BANG BANG.

I couldn't shoot it. :(

Knights 2009-03-17 23:56:18

Hey, at least they're aren't fucking DEER and BEARS in your backyard. >:(

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-17 23:56:18

I guess. :(

Magnester 2009-03-18 02:09:14

I say kick him around and tell animal control that he was trying to bite you.

HIS CUTENESS LEVEL! ITS OVER NINE THOUSANDD!!!1!!!1!!!!

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-18 02:09:14

I couldn't, y'see. He was, you know, 10 feet above my head.

Monocrom 2009-03-18 03:23:23

Raccoons often carry horrible viruses. They might look cute, but they can be dangerous. Good to hear that it didn't try to bite you.... Then again, it was probably full of muffins; and not very hungry.

BTW, the delivery guy leaves muffins and loaves outside by the backdoor? WTF?? He can't knock on the door, and just hand it to one of you?

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-18 03:23:23

I would have bit him back, and been all like "YOU GOT THE JADE VIRUS. PREPARE TO DIE!" then epic music would start, and then I'd win.

And he delivers them when we're not here. :/

Monocrom 2009-03-18 13:23:56

So he delivers food the same way someone would deliver newspapers?? :O

Newspapers are one thing, folks don't put dirty newspapers in their mouth. But food is quite another. Is that type of delivery common practice in Canada? Damn, Canadaian Health Dept. sucks ass!

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-18 13:23:56

I dunno why they don't have keys to get in like the other muffin people do.

Today, though, there was a big plastic bin that was packing taped shut, and the muffin box was in it. YAYYYYY.

Boss has to drive the container back though, lol.

sweet21 2009-03-18 16:48:56

god, where do you live?! skunks, coyotes, racoons.....are you in texas? god, here in california all we have are coyotes.

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-18 16:48:56

In Vancouver near a huge forest.

lawlmaster 2009-03-18 20:51:01

raccoons are cute with their little masks. :3

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-18 20:51:01

Agreed. :3

Wrinkles 2009-03-19 02:03:25

Learn2Shoot wild animals, pl0x.

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-19 02:03:25

No because I'd get arrested.

Monocrom 2009-03-19 02:28:44

We're all happy that evil raccoon didn't get his paws on YOUR muffin. :P

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-19 02:28:44

I woulda punched him in the face.

Bloodghast 2009-03-19 18:39:07

I went outside into my houses backyard once...
There was 30 fucking wild turkeys in my back yard staring at me...so I ran at them like a crazy person and scared them...then one of them bit me...stupid wildlife. Plus, a raccoon got into our garbage even when we tied the thing with a freaking bungie cord.

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-19 18:39:07

Wild turkeys, eh?

Sinitech 2009-03-19 20:00:01

I was going to say "I'll eat your muffin!", but that sounded inadvertently sexual.

I will eat your muffins though.

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-19 20:00:01

Nuh.

Dogmeat 2009-03-19 20:27:56

Get a pellet gun, and shoot it, It'll be enough to shoo it off and teach it a lesson. But not enough to kill it, yea?

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-19 20:27:56

Because a person shooting a pellet gun at 5 in the morning isn't suspicious at all.

Steven-Polley 2009-03-20 00:24:03

PLOX IN A BOX WAT?
\
I love food. you.

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-20 00:24:03

Buhhhhhh?

SupraAddict 2009-03-20 00:53:34

I'll bring them back to life, quick, get me an E-Z bake oven, stat!

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-20 00:53:34

NO.

IT'S TOO LATE./
They were mutilated. :(

Monocrom 2009-03-20 03:12:20

I had to deal with a dumb-ass seagal at work today. It got on top of the smaller dumpster, and was pecking at a plastic bag filled with Taco Bell wrappers. It didn't realize there wasn't any food inside.

Once one of them starts taking stuff down from the dumpsters, then all of them will. Not good! So I walk up to the bird, he literally turns tail, and walks away. Then when I turn back around, he walks back to the bag! This goes on for awhile as I approach and he walks away. Then I walk away, and he walks back to the bag. I finally pick up the bag, and toss it back on top of the dumpsters. He pulls it out of the dumpster! Stupid bird!

I finally toss the bag into a larger dumpster that has a lid on it. He finally gets the message, and flew off. Last thing I need is to be walking through a mountain of garbage because one bird thinks he found a buffett, and tells his friends about it.

BTW, ever since I bought my new car... I hate birds!!

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-20 03:12:20

Silly seagulls seagulls.

DevourerJay 2009-03-20 06:09:50

*waves sadly* bye!! :(

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-20 06:09:50

Byeeeeeee, come back soon.

Steven-Polley 2009-03-20 10:45:01

What kind of muffins were they? Also, considering you work at a cafe... Which can, at times, be kind of a slow paced job... are you able to go on NG during work?!

JadeTheAssassin 2009-03-20 10:45:01

Raspberry morning glory and apple walnut morning glory.

And I can't get on NG at work because a) no (legal) wireless access, and b) no laptop, and c) boss would shoot me.

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