I can honestly answer most of those questions. But not here! PM me if you genuinely want those answers. But I'm not sharing with everyone.
Also, if you want honest answers, I'm give them to you. If that's what you really want. Think about that before you say "Yes." Do you really want to know? If so, I'll tell you.
Emi
There are endless things to ponder. Trying to make sense of the reasons behind them all will drive you insane.